When I was little I hated school. I really do mean hate. I can honestly say without a doubt that I would happily relive my husband being laid off when I was five months pregnant and consequently our housing being taken away because the company owned the house THEN EVER, EVER have to repeat those years at Rock Courageous Elementary School. Swine Flue? Natural child birth? Bring it on. Just please, please don't ever send me back to grade school!
Why? Oh, I could go on and on about being dyslexic, being segregated from my class mates for hours on end because I was so far behind, doing work I knew only I was doing, getting special presents from my teachers because they knew I was an idiot, being called dummy on the play ground and having people tell me to my face all the time I couldn't read, not having help after school with all these issues, but I don't want to give those of you who have children in school nightmares. Let me just tell you that it gets a little old when people baby you for the same "illness" for years and years and years and I do mean many more years of "treatment." Oh good memories. I am sure I have illuminated these feelings of good will toward school as my children now prepare to enter the golden gates of academia that will probably taken them to Hell and back a few times over the next six years.
However, today, hopefully being older and a little wiser I see in retrospective how my life of learning unfolded and I do say I would like to help my children take a less traitorous path then my own; if that being the only lesson I take from those years then so be it. But as God as my witness, I will never let my children fumble around in school as I did. But oh how ironic is the world, or cruel is more like it, when consequently to my horror once again as I drop my young children off at Cactus Valley Elementary School I get to vicariously live my childhood again through their eyes.
Maybe it is just an outward expression of something I have always know deep down inside; that my children might have the same struggles as I did those first few years of school. As horrible as it sounds, or maybe a analogy of own story, but "when I hears that that there child can already read at 5, I just gosh darn" WANT TO THROW UP! No, I am truly happy for those who excel so early (take what you want from those last eleven words) it just brings me back to my own inadequacies of learning written Chines, because it might as well have been Japanese at the time. I laugh because yesterday Marin brought me home a book from the library to read . . . and it's in Spanish. We laughed together.
I realize I should take the higher road on this subject and say in the words of Victor Frankle, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Then again I really don't think that Victor had to go to elementary school in Nazi Germany.
Wonderful Wheat Night
15 years ago
9 comments:
I know you'll appreciate this -- The other night I was up way too late watching some crappy infomercial about your "Baby Can Read". I kid you not, I almost picked up the phone at 1am and bought the dang program b/c I have this inner fear I'll pass my struggle to read down to my children as well!!! Grrr. I totally hear ya! But on the flip side....look what an accomplished women and great writer you are today (great post)! She'll be just fine, she's a SMART girl (i've heard her comments in Primary)
you are such an amazing and whitty writer. I love reading your blog. Who would of know that happened to you? The woman of the year with her food storage!
Cute Ash.... it has made you stronger....so strong. I can't wait to see you soon!
Well, at least you got presents for being an idiot. I didn't get a thing! I remember that the "smart" kids in elementary school got to go to a gifted program that was called OM Thinkers, and all us dumb kids were jealous so we called them the OM Stinkers. We showed them!
Oh, Ashlee! I had no idea school was such a struggle for you! I'm so sorry. I'm jealous that you're such a whiz on Excel and good at accounting. I'm taking accounting this semesters and numbers are so not my thing.
I remember OM Thinkers, but I can't remember if I was in it. I was in Autonomous Learners in middle school and got a lot of crap for that. Don't really know what the point was telling you that, but Emily's comment brought back some memories!
The way you write now, I would say that all of your struggles really did make you VERY strong-you are a great writer!! I never knew that about you though. It is so sad how much pressure there is on young kids to excel so early-they are CHILDREN, and should be enjoying the learning experience. And it is sad how mean kids can be to other kids who are struggling. I sure hope your kids are doing well with school! :)
And to Maria-I totally remember my autonomous learner class! So funny that you would mention that!
I am so sorry you had such a hard time in school. I have to agree with everyone else that you are amazing! You are so articulate and you are an incredible writer. I love reading your blog. Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. :)
i have to laugh cause i loved good old rock courageous and i definitely was not reading at age five. and i even had to go to speech therapy, which i loved too. i still remember playing school at your house, and you always wanting to be the teacher. maybe that gave you a sense of the control you wish you had in school :)
and at least i know i am not one of those kids that called you an idiot
My heart broke reading this because I'm sure this is exactly how Cade feels about school. I'm so glad that I told him yes that I would homeschool him. I don't want him to feel this way! I know we learn through our trials and he will still have trials learning with me. Thanks for sharing.
Post a Comment