Where does time go?

I know every mother thinks her children are beautiful. This would be the same for and all my children. I have had a few friends who have recently had their first and as I read their blogs and their face book pages it reminds me of my first . . . Marin. I have especially thought about her this week since it is her birthday. I remember everything about the day Marin was born. I mostly remember how unprepared I was or I guess I should say naïve about labor and delivery. I remember being very busy that year I was pregnant with Marin. I worked full time, was going to school part time at BYU, Steven wasn’t working until about three weeks before she was born and he moved out to Colorado to start working and left me in Utah to work and finish the semester. I had to take all of my finals early because she was due on the 8th of April. I think back about how I would be more “prepared” to have her and there really isn’t anything I could have done differently. I couldn’t have added another baby class to my schedule and I wouldn’t have done it without Steven. When the nurse told me it was time to push I had no idea what she meant and when she told me I politely asked her what the contractions had been doing for the last six hours. After two more hours and a very unhappy me later they put Mar-Mar in my arms and I was totally surprised that this little person was mine. I do remember thinking she was the most pretty baby I had ever seen and wondered why she wasn’t crying because that is what I thought all newborns did. Then I asked Steven to take her away, someone to give her a bath, and someone please bring me dinner. I know this sounds strange, but I was just a little overwhelmed by just having this little person I hadn’t thought much about. I didn’t see her until the next morning, I don’t remember why but I remember asking someone to bring me my baby.


(When I look at this picture it brings back a few of the feelings I had that day. How dumbfounded I was, thinking that not all babies are this beautiful and wanting Steven to take her from me.)
She was the perfect baby for me at the time and I realize this now. She was so easy going and slept a lot. She loved Baby Einstein and would eat anything I put in front of her. She was a pretty good baby in the car as I drove the countless times between Utah and Colorado while moving out here. She was so good and easy to take places by myself. I even went back to school when she was 9 months old and left her with my father and Steven’s mother while I was at school or doing homework. I remember taking her to school once to grab a paper and as I was walking through BYU square reading my paper I turned around and there was my baby 10 feet behind me running after me. I think those same feelings encompassed me again that day she was born and felt like I couldn’t believe this person was mine.
Today when I think about Marin I think she is very much like me when I was little. I liked to climb trees and ride horses. I would battle my mother over my hair and wear mismatched cloths, I hated to take a bath and was a sensitive little thing. One thing Marin has over me is her ability to be the kindest and most loving daughter a mother could want. She has become a diligent little school girl this year and has done remarkably well in reading this year despite where she started. I love my Marin who had no idea she was in a class with children that didn’t even speak English (needless to say I was not happy about this). She is so sweet and completely oblivious to the fact that she has to work a little harder, takes her a little longer to do some of her work. She just works hard and gets it done no matter what. I think this quality will serve her well throughout her life and I am very happy to call her my daughter.
Thinking about the day she was born and difference between then and now and seeing others with their first, I think some women are great mothers because that is just who they are, others a great mothers because that is who they have become. I think I am the latter.